


Still a Paladin

by lanawrites94



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Background Pidgance slowburn, Cannon compliant, Gen, Keith-angst, One-sided Klance, SEASON 4 SPOILER, Team Voltron as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanawrites94/pseuds/lanawrites94
Summary: An exploration of Keith's mindscape until the end of season 4 and a smidge after.





	Still a Paladin

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Paladin of Voltron](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/359844) by TheDarknessIsOver. 



> This is my first Voltron fan-fiction, and I never went through so many drafts for my *degree* in creative writing. This is my fifth and final draft, so I sure hope it's perfect. This is also the first fanfiction I will post here on Archive Of Our Own, so I'm still unfamiliar with the system. If you notice anything I should have tagged but did not, PLEASE do not hesitate to tell me in the comments or a private message and I will fix it post-haste.
> 
> This fic was inspired by a YouTube video I found by accident, and many of you may have already seen it, but it's "Paladin of Voltron" by TheDarknessIsOver (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvu0-rSwG9I). If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend a box of tissues. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! It represents a week of my life!

Voltron was the best thing to ever happen to Keith Kogane.

He had no family on earth, no one he cared about after Shiro went missing with his crew, all presumed dead. He’d drifted aimlessly until he felt the pull of the Lions in the desert, but even then he didn’t feel alive again until Shiro crashed near the Garrison. The next events had been a blur; he, Shiro, and three _strangers_ were whisked into space by a giant mechanical cat that for _some_ reason wanted to be piloted by the worst pilot ever. Then there was a princess and more cats and he wasn’t sure what to think.

He, Shiro, and three other teenage boys teamed up to pilot the five lions of Voltron. Of course, he’d known Shiro for years. That was comfortable, but the other three were…interesting, to say the least.

Lance was charming, hyperactive, and he flirted with every girl he saw. He also seemed to be convinced that he and Keith were rivals. For the most part Keith just let him think that; he didn’t care enough to dissuade him of the idea.

Hunk was a loveable sort of guy, and he seemed to just radiate sunshine and happiness—which was fitting, considering the color of his lion. Keith found it a little off-putting at first, but once he got used to it he came to enjoy spending time in Hunk’s company.

Pidge, he found out, was actually a girl. If she wasn’t, he’d have said she was the ballsiest of the bunch, given that she’d enrolled in the Galaxy Garrison under a fake identity in order to steal confidential government documents so she could find her father, brother, and Shiro. He might say it anyway. Either way, he admired her determination.

One thing became clear over time, though. He was starting to like these people. Bonding exercises were _not_ helping his case with any of his teammates, and he found himself more and more often in their presence during down time. They talked about serious stuff and cut up, and Keith wondered if this was what it felt like to have siblings. Which was a problem. They were fighting a war. He couldn’t afford to get attached, but by the very nature of Voltron they had to know each other and work together on a level far more intimate than anything he had ever seen or read about. He didn’t _want_ to get close to these people. Any one of them could die at any time, and it would be like losing Shiro all over again. He’d already gotten a taste of that when Sendak attacked and Lance was caught in the explosion. They had all worried that they wouldn’t get the chryopods back up in time and it had been hell. Keith felt so _helpless_ in that moment. He’d vowed back on Earth to never be helpless again. But what control did he really have over that? It wasn’t for a lack of ability, aptitude, or anything he could change—it was purely the circumstances that took away his agency. He told himself he was upset because with only four Paladins they couldn’t form Voltron and defend the universe, not because Lance was growing on him.

Finding out he was part-Galra, he thought, would make it easier to distance himself from the other Paladins. His new…ethnicity? Race? Heritage? _Should_ have acted as a deterrent for the others to want to get to know him. Except Lance was Cuban and had been attending the US-based Galaxy Garrison on a student Visa. Pidge was only a second generation Italian-American. Hunk was a stupid cinnamon roll who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and his heart was in the right place when he cracked jokes about Keith’s heritage, though it didn’t make him feel any better about it. Pidge and Lance acknowledged the fact _only_ to tell him that it didn’t change who he was as a person, and thus they only cared as much as he did. None of them were going to hold his “alien-ness” against him, despite Allura’s prejudice.

And then Allura did the unthinkable. After quintants of holding him at arms’ length and favoring even the compulsive flirt over Keith, she apologized. She apologized and begged him to come back alive. And he did.

When they lost Shiro it broke him. Shiro wanted him to lead, and he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be Shiro, couldn’t be the glue who held the team together. He lost it when the Black Lion agreed with Shiro and chose him as its next Paladin. He wasn’t thinking straight and led the team in a more reckless fashion than he’d ever behaved before. And he almost got the entire team killed. Why the Hell had Shiro thought he’d be a good leader? Was it only because he’d known Keith the longest, because no matter what he may have said, he _did_ believe Lance would have been a better candidate. He could relate to people in a way that Keith just couldn’t. And sad as it was, even Lance had better impulse control than Keith. Even Lance was less ruled by his emotions than Keith, who just did a better job of pretending.

Once they found Shiro—or rather, once the Black Lion found Shiro—Keith wanted to take the opportunity to distance himself from the team, to push Shiro back into leadership, where the team deserved him to be.

Lance came to him after Shiro returned to moving around the castle. He knocked…

“Hey, man. I just wanted to talk with you because…well, I’ve been worried about something.”

Keith crossed his arms. “It must really be bothering you if you’re coming to talk to me.”

“Well, I mean, you’re the leader now, right?”                                           

“I guess…” Keith did _not_ like where this was headed.

Lance launched into simple calculations and assumptions that boiled down to, he felt like he was a seventh wheel and claimed to be the weakest link in the team. He insisted that when Shiro was ready to take back Black, Keith should reclaim Red but let Allura keep Blue.

“So, maybe the best thing I can do for the team is to step aside.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This isn’t a participation game. This is war. And you want your best soldiers out there on the front lines.”

 _No, the team needs_ you _, Lance,_ Keith wanted to say. _They don’t need me. You keep Red._ But if he said that he feared his teammate would argue with him, insist that _he_ was the problem, the extra Paladin. It would turn into a competition of humility and they’d stay in this stupid trap of rivalry. Keith wanted to move past it, to be friends for real, maybe more… And this selfless approach Lance had taken to the situation only convinced Keith further that _he_ should have been the one to replace Shiro. Lance would have done a much better job and they would have had many fewer close calls.

“Stop worrying about who flies what and just focus on your missions. Things will work themselves out.”

Lance glanced to the side and conceded. “Okay. Thanks.” He turned to walk away.

Keith did want to be more than friends, but he’d been watching, and he’d seen the signs. As religiously devoted the man was to his skincare routine, he was too into girls, and a very special one was already working her way into his heart. Keith suspected no one else had realized it yet. So Keith reminded him of the most important reason for him to stay with Voltron. “And Lance?” he said and grinned as his teammate stopped in the doorway, turned back halfway. “Leave the math to Pidge.” The soft smile on Lance’s face was all the confirmation he needed to nip that fantasy in the bud. The Blue Paladin was so far gone and didn’t even know it yet.

The Blade of Marmora was at once a blessing and a curse. It provided the perfect escape. He could step aside without rending permanent rifts in the team and still do his part in the war, still help them in their struggle against Zarkon. He almost never worked with the same team twice, now. So many of his fellow Blades fell every mission that he couldn’t fathom how the organization hadn’t died out already. His being unable to form new friendships led to isolation and he lost himself in his own head. It hurt so much to leave, to watch his team move on, and even excel, without him.

Team Voltron was the best thing to ever happen to Keith Kogane, but he was the worst thing to ever happen to Team Voltron. His team saved him when he needed a family, and he turned out to be some percentage of the enemy. It was better for the universe that no one knew that, for him to stay out of the spotlight. The best thing he could do for them now was work behind the scenes and provide information, espionage, whatever he could do from afar.

Of course, he continued to watch. The Voltron Show was by far the funniest thing he’d ever seen, and he wished he was doing the show rather than Allura. He couldn’t have predicted how much he missed his team, his family, and would even gladly make a fool of himself on intergalactic television if he could just come back. But he was doing a lot of good with the Blades, mapping the supply line of the strange-quintessence. The team was gathering public support for the cause. He was working in the shadows to ensure that their efforts now wouldn’t go to waste. He owed it to “Humorous Hunk” if no one else. Keith wasn’t very good at reading other people, but even he could tell through the screen that Hunk was having a terrible time.

He really wished he could have visited the castle after he heard through the Grapevine of Marmora that one rebel officer named Matthew Holt had surfaced, with an all access pass to the Castle of Lions. Photo evidence showed this _had_ to be Pidge’s missing brother. He really wished he could have seen the smile on her face when she finally got to introduce their Voltron family to her most favorite person in the universe.

Well…her Voltron family. Minus one Keith Kogane. If they’d ever considered him part of it.

But anything he could do with the Blade to give Team Voltron a better chance at success in this (or any) reality would be worth missing her smiles. And Hunk’s cooking. Lance’s puns and friendly competition. Shiro’s support.

Quiznack, he hoped it would be worth it. He hoped that in the end his efforts would make a difference, that all of his friends would make it out of this war they didn’t ask for, didn’t volunteer for, regardless of whether or not he got to rejoin them back on Earth.

* * *

 

The Coalition’s siege of Naxzela was a quintant away and counting. Keith had received orders to prepare his equipment, sleep, and not do anything stupid. But how was he supposed to sleep when tomorrow could be a quintant of new opportunities or of loss and failure? He felt like the anxiety was eating him alive. Drowning it didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

“Hey, Keith!” called a familiar voice. He turned and, less-than-sober as he was…

“Pidge?” he asked, proud he didn’t slur.

She was laughing as she navigated her way across the crowded room, full of other rebels who maybe weren’t making the best decisions of their careers either. As she got closer, caramel hair askew and glasses missing, Keith realized that this person was too tall to be Katie “Pidge” Holt.

“She’s my little sister,” the newcomer said, offering _his_ hand and a grin. “Name’s Matthew. It’s nice to meet yet another Paladin of Voltron!”

Keith’s face fell. “I’m not a Paladin anymore. I’m of the Blade.”

Matt sat on the stool next to Keith and propped his chin on his hand, elbow on the bar, watching the “not-a-Paladin” in his periphery.

“From what Pidge told me, once you’re a Paladin of Voltron, you’re _always_ a Paladin. Otherwise Shiro wouldn’t have had so much trouble with Zarkon the first time, right? You’re still bonded with your lion. Lions?  Anyway, that doesn’t just end because you’re star systems away. It’s like a tattoo. You’re stuck with it for the rest of your life.”

“Wow,” Keith muttered into his drink. “You’ve got to be siblings, ‘cause you ramble the same.”

“I’m going to pretend that was meant as a compliment. So what are you doing here?”

“What does it look like? I’m trying to unwind a little so that maybe I can sleep tonight.”

“Same as everyone else, then,” Matt chuckled, waving to the bar tender for a draft. “God, I hope this stuff is safe.”

“It is.”

Matt accepted his drink with a smile and handed over a couple of coins. “I’ve gotta say, though, I’m surprised to see you here. I thought the Blades were a _little_ stricter than us.”

Keith snorted into his mug. “What Kolivan doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Or me.”

“That really depends on how many of those you’ve had?”

Keith rolled his eyes and set his mug down with a thunk. “Why do you care?”

Matt shrugged. “Look, man. You’re an adult, same as me. You’ve made your choices and that’s entirely your business. BUT—”

“There’s always a ‘but.’” Keith retrieved his mug again.

“I happen to know that my sister is worried about you. Shiro is worried about you. Hunk, Lance, Coran—even the princess. They’re all worried about you. They miss you, Kogane.”

“Please. They were glad to see me go, and they’re doing a lot better without me.”

“Quiznack, man! How—”

Matt stopped and breathed deeply once. Twice. And again. “They didn’t argue against you joining the Blade full-time because they knew they couldn’t make decisions for you and because they respect you. I can promise you that none of them are happy about this… But,” he said, drawing out the single syllable. “I can tell you _that_ until Kaltenecker comes home and I’m blue in the face; doesn’t mean you’ll believe me. Just… _Please_ , don’t forget that they love you. They’ll welcome you back in a heartbeat. Just remember that. Promise?”

When Keith looked up from his mug he was alone again in a room noisy with rebels. He set down his empty mug, deciding he’d had enough and leaving for his bed.

* * *

The mission was going as well as they hoped until the Galran battle cruiser showed up and Voltron’s channel turned to static. Keith led all available fighters, Blade and Rebel alike, to advance on the new variable. Conditions returned to mayhem when Team Voltron reappeared on the scanners, revealing that Naxzela was a bomb and the battle cruiser likely housed Zarkon’s witch. The only chance for the survival of the Coalition and everyone in that entire star system was to break through the shield and disrupt Hagar’s ceremony.

None of the guns, cannons, or lasers available could harness the power necessary in a single blast to break through. They _needed_ Voltron.

“Thrusters are at max.”

“We’re not going to make it!”

“We’ll never penetrate their shields!”

Keith’s mind was flying through options and possibilities at a million lightyears a minute. Every scenario ended in death.

 _One_ ended with less death.

He engaged his own thrusters. “Maybe not with our weapons,” he mused, resolved, barreling through space toward the witch’s particle barrier.

Maybe Matt was right. Maybe Keith _was_ still a Paladin of Voltron, and would be until the moment he died. But what would that be worth if Naxzela blew and took Voltron with it? Team Voltron—his _family_ —were too close. Shiro, Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura. There was no way that Voltron could protect them from a self-destructing planet. Coran would probably be caught in the blast as well.

“Wait. Keith? What are you doing?” Matthew Holt. Someone as connected to the Paladins as Keith, who would be at least as lost without Team Voltron.

_To save them, this will be the moment that I die._

He was still a Paladin, a star shining a light of hope in this war, a light that would be extinguished if he didn’t stop the witch _now_.

“Keith, no!”

_Even a star dies in its own light._

Keith closed his eyes.

The spacescape exploded before him, searing light through his eyelids. He veered off course as comprehension dawned. Another variable had joined the fight, and it wasn’t Team Voltron.

“You did it!”

“Good job, Keith.”

“It wasn’t me.”

“Attention, Paladins of Voltron and rebel fighters. I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but…I think it’s time we had a discussion.”

Nobody was prepared for that particular turn of events, but in the end the day was theirs. Keith was still reeling from his disrupted kamikaze mission and hadn’t had much time to process anything. All he knew for certain was that leaders from the Blade and various Rebel factions were meeting in the Castle of Lions for a debriefing. He was going to be there even if Kolivan _hadn’t_ invited him.

When he entered the castle, the hallways were packed with people and he was caught in the current bound for the ballroom. Coran had hastily placed enough tables and chairs to seat everyone, but the arrangement was haphazard.

The meeting went as smoothly as these things could, beginning with each squad leader giving a report of their tasks and accomplishments and ending with a handcuffed Lotor giving an _obviously_ sincere speech about his vision that his father’s empire could become a pinnacle of progress and freedom throughout the universe and how his father had turned on him because of it. Keith certainly didn’t believe him and he highly doubted that anyone else would. A committee was delegated the task of dealing with Lotor another day. A couple members of the Blades escorted the disgraced prince into confinement where he would be closely monitored. The masses were dismissed to deal with the aftermath of their success.

Keith found himself with nothing to do, so he wandered the halls of the only place he had really called home in years and eventually stumbled upon the other Paladins in the lounge, weary and dead on their feet though none stood. They were spread out across the room seemingly at random, and Keith’s eyes fell upon the Blue and Green Paladins, the only two without much space between them. The two friends had fallen asleep, Pidge’s head flopped on Lance’s shoulder, and his resting gently on top of hers. Allura was watching them breathe with a fond, tired smile. Hunk was snoring in a corner, and Shiro was lost in thought, his gaze on nothing and everything. Keith had just turned to leave when Hunk startled himself awake with a loud snore.

“Keith!” he called, the word infused with delight and exhaustion. “Where are you going?”

He forced a smile onto his face and turned around. Was it even an hour ago that he’d been ready to die for them? Why was it more difficult to enter a room and face them now?

Lance and Pidge had woken up and sprung apart. Shiro’s attention returned, and Allura shot across the room and pulled Keith into her arms.

“Thank the Ancients you’re alright! It’s been too long since we’ve seen you.”

“Are you staying?” Pidge asked on a yawn.

“C’mon, Keith!” Lance said, coming closer and putting his hands up in a fighting stance that framed his big grin. “Let’s go a round. We haven’t sparred in ages!”

Keith blinked rapidly, overwhelmed with so much positive attention after spending so long in the shadows.

“Hold up, team,” Shiro chided. “Let the man breathe.”

Allura let him go and stepped back, her smile now somewhat tearful. “Come, sit down,” she said, gesturing to the couch set in the floor. “You must be as exhausted as the rest of us.”

“I am,” he admitted. Keith fought back his own tears as he sat with his team and knew in his heart that Matt had been right. Despite the distance these people were still his family, and they had missed him. He _was_ still a Paladin of Voltron, and his time with the Blades of Marmora had done nothing to change that.

Hunk picked up on his tone immediately and made his way over to the group. “Hey, man. You alright?”

“I want to come back!” The words were spilling out of his mouth and down his cheeks before he could think about them. “The Blade is doing important work, but it’s not where I belong.”

Before he knew it everyone had a hand on him, crowding around like they were waiting for permission. He gave a nod and was promptly squished, the epicenter of a group hug.

“I wouldn’t be here right now if Lotor hadn’t shown up,” Keith breathed, but his team heard him and they all tightened their embrace. “I was going to crash my fighter into the shield to take it out, and then he shot it. I was ready to die for you all… but I’m glad I didn’t. I feel whole for the first time, and I don’t ever want to be anywhere else again. I don’t care if I’m only working support!”

“Calm down, Keith,” Allura soothed as everyone backed up a little to give him some room to breathe. “Actually, we had been—well, _I_ had been hoping to catch you for a team meeting,” she rambled. “We were able to get off of Naxzela in the first place because I evidently have a connection with Altean magic, alchemy, whatever you want to call it, and it could be incredibly helpful in this war, especially if the witch continues to take a more direct role in proceedings like she did today, but learning to actually use this…The research is likely going to take all of my time and I’m afraid I might not be able to dive into it and continue performing my duties as a Paladin…”

Everyone was staring at her, Keith included.

“What?” she asked.

Everyone started talking at once, and no one’s words were any more comprehensible than another’s, but Keith knew one thing for certain. He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me until the end! I have another Voltron project in the works but I'm not sure how soon it will be ready. It will likely be a multi-chapter fic, and probably include more overt Pidgance because I am shipping trash. 
> 
> Also, thank you for joining me in Voltron hell. Don't forget to comment and tell me what I did wrong (or right? My little brother and beta reader might smack me for that.)!


End file.
